Transformation begins with being more self-aware of ourselves, others and our situation. This is a process that we come to recognise only in retrospect.

It is good practice to make time to pause from the busyness of life and recognise how we are feeling and why, so that we can navigate life with conscious intention.

Poetry is a great prompt for reflection.

Change can be difficult to navigate if you are not aware of what is happening and why you are feeling how you are when things are no longer the same as you have known them to be.

There is a period of grief as you process changes that may not be in your control, and you start to judge yourself and others as a result.

There is an invitation to step back, reflect on what is happening and give yourself the grace to be human and feel what you feel without adding to the suffering (firing a second arrow) by beating yourself up about it.

Time is needed for your mind to adjust to significant changes that alter your current sense of self and impact your identity, and come to a place of acceptance.

There is change everywhere in the world, in our countries, social landscape, families and within us.

Having the tools to deal with change will have a significant impact on people's well-being.

In life, things are always in a state of change as nothing remains the same, even though the mind tries to present the world to us as static. We never live the same moment twice.

If we keep changing to conform to someone else's view of how we should be, because we perceive that who we are is not acceptable to them.

We lose ourselves, and the other person does not know who they are dealing with, as you are misaligned within, which dilutes the energy with which you show up in the relationship.

There is also potential for resentment towards the other person as frustration builds from having to suppress your true self.

When you show up authentically as yourself, reflecting your strengths and flaws more accurately, it creates space for the other person to do likewise. Then you can build from a place of truth and freedom and experience transformation individually and collectively.

If who you are authentically is not agreeable to the other party, then you can evaluate where to go from a place of truth, work at it or go your separate ways.

How can you create more opportunities for self-reflection?

We bring our individual light to share in a relationship. Recognising this and valuing our light enhancers, our experience together.

Our light involves what is great about us and whatever shadow we cast.

The former is there to learn from and the latter to allow us to practice developing virtues such as patience, perseverance and loving kindness.

Together, we create a context for learning that would not otherwise exist if we remained apart.

There is also the opportunity to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses, creating something greater when we come together.

What is being triggered in you that can become an opportunity for growth?

Love can build so slowly that you hardly notice it until you look back and realise it, but it can also spark instantaneously.

Both are valid; either way, it's what you do to nurture it long-term that determines its longevity.

Not being open to both possibilities may lead you to dismiss anything that does not meet your expectations of what love should look like.

Love is never a job done, to be left unattended.

It requires continuous nurturing to keep it flowing. Men are more likely to switch off in terms of effort as they are wired for conquest, which feeds their ego.

There is a temptation after chasing and lavishing care and attention on your partner to switch off once the relationship is formalised and has been stable for a while.

It is helpful to find new sources of motivation to keep invested in nurturing the relationship.

Even though love is universal and exists in us all, there are different representations and ways of showing love, which may also shift depending on the stage of life we find ourselves in.

There are cultural influences that may influence how we express love.

If we pay attention to those we are in a relationship with, we can start expressing love in ways that speak to them and align with how they best experience it.

When we set our expectations rigidly, in a way that fails to take everyone's uniqueness into account, it can lead to a lot of disappointment.

The invitation is to reframe those expectations, release them and forgive from the soul.

If you are unable to find common ground with regard to how best to give and receive love, you may have to reconsider if you are in the right relationship.

Honest and open communication is the best way to express our preferences and align on how best to meet each other's love needs.

There will be opportunities for offence, but holding on to past hurts and weaponising them in future conversations is not conducive to nurturing love in the long term.

It will create a lack of safety, and whatever you hold onto will get in the way and hinder a deeper connection.

It may be hard to see what is getting in the way of experiencing love in your relationship because you are looking for major events, but lots of little things that are not completely released build up and can get in the way.

What do you find yourself constantly focusing on when there is a disagreement?

Aphasia, also known as dysphasia, is an impairment in a person's ability to comprehend or formulate language because of dysfunction in specific brain regions. The major causes are stroke and head trauma; prevalence is hard to determine, but aphasia due to stroke is estimated to be 0.1–0.4% in developed countries. Wikipedia

We cannot live in the past and present at the same time.

We can acknowledge the past and learn from it, but it's not useful to live in it, as it denies us the opportunity to live in the present and build a better future.

Our recollection of the past is not a perfect recreation.

Our mind carries traces of events that are reconstructed on demand and influenced by biases and creative license.

This is why two children raised in the same home would have different recollections of the same past.

Life is fluid and ever evolving, requiring us to be present to it and choose how to respond, or we become stuck, fixated on recreating a past that no longer exists.

There are many opportunities to have new experiences and expand our palette and grow, but we may reject those in favour of being stuck with only what we already know.

This is an opportunity cost of being stuck, and it is the missing out on opportunities to have fresh experiences that stretch you and offer chances for fulfilment.

It is hard to quantify what you are losing by being stuck in a relationship that is no longer serving you, as it can be hard to see what you are missing out on by being stuck there.

What is no longer serving that you are ready to leave in the past?

Change is part of life; it is a natural occurrence that begins at birth and flows toward death, which in turn feeds the next cycle of rebirth. Grief is our natural response to this process and should be informed by an understanding of this continuous cycle and be accepted as natural and allowed to flow.

Give yourself the space to express that feeling of loss. Emotion is energy in motion; the more you try to stifle the feelings, the longer it takes, and it is likely to explode from the built-up pressure.

The natural process of grief is designed to allow transient energy to move through us and then be released; blocking it will create an unhealthy store of energy that could end up causing disruption and damage in so many parts of life and with different relationships.

Our experience of grief will be significantly impacted by our expectations regarding it. By normalising it as a natural process, we create space for it to pass through us unhindered while gleaning any treasures it may hold for us.

If we are not expecting it or want it to be over quickly, we can then create secondary suffering as a result of judging ourselves for how we are experiencing grief.

Sometimes we misjudge the significance of a loss/change until we experience grief later down the timeline. This might be a clue that our subconscious relationship to the object of our grief has not been fully appreciated by our conscious mind.

Trauma describes something that has impacted you that was not expected or helpful, which has created an undesirable change in your life that means your life would not be the same again; this can induce grief.

There are calendar events that may trigger grief like clockwork if the loss is linked to the event in your mind. There is no timetable for the cessation of grief; the hope is that your relationship to it begins to shift and your perspective starts to broaden as the years go by.

Be kind to yourself and let the feelings move through you.

How might unprocessed GRIEF be showing up for you?