Change is always happening; it is inevitable. We never step in the same river twice; every moment is different, every breath we breathe changes the environment around us, but our mind presents the illusion of stability and sameness.

The sooner we adjust our expectations to that reality of imminent change, the less emotional suffering we will experience when grieving change.

In truth, we can't control change, but under the spell of our illusion of control, we try and then worsen our experience of grieving the reality of change.

The intensity of the grief we experience would be impacted by:

• How much control you had over the change

• How much time you have to prepare for the change

• How emotionally connected you were to what has changed

• How recent the change occurred

Change like the wind:

• Can come silently, unannounced and unnoticed, until it hits you

• You cannot control the wind

• The wind will test the foundation of all things to reveal what is solidly grounded

• Noticing what remains is information that we can use to build a more stable future

The sifting process provides clarity by separating the chunky from the fine particles of your life; you get to choose which you keep and which you dispose of.

Where might you be resisting change in your life?

A seed must first die for it to multiply into a fruit-bearing plant.

An eagle must shed its feathers and lose its current beak to come back revitalised and stronger than before.

We must be willing to let go of our current identity to adopt one that serves us better.

We need to trust the wisdom of the universe to let go of the old to invite in the new.

Death does not have to be a full stop; it may be a comma before a resurgence.

Nature teaches that nothing is ever eternally lost; that which we perceive as dead ends its tenure in one form and then contributes to the birth of another. Transferring the energy from one form to the other so that the whole system of life benefits.

Like water that freezes to ice, melts back to evaporate into the air, only to condense back to water again. You cannot eliminate it from the system.

Sometimes it takes the departure of a loved one for those left behind to mobilise themselves to continue that person's legacy, and so they multiply and live on in us who are left behind.

Poetricity Live events came from my book DREAM, which came from lessons I learnt from my grandmother, who died over thirty years ago, about using what you have to be of service to others. She lives on in my mother and all her children.

Sometimes, the best support we can offer those grieving is to just be with them and not try to cheer them up because we are uncomfortable with the emotions expressed as a result of grieving.

How has the passing of something made way for something new in your life?

We all experience grief in different ways, so we have a responsibility to be mindful of how we support those grieving and not make assumptions that what worked for us will work for them.

We should avoid judging others based on how they choose to grieve their loss. We all have different levels of empathy, sensitivity and connection to that which is lost.

Make room for everyone to journey through grief as it applies to them.

Grief is happening; you can't do it wrong, but there are ways to be with it that don't deny the pain but reduce the suffering, avoiding the second arrow effect (self-induced).

We can be impacted by the grief of others through empathy for their experience, even if we are not emotionally connected to the object of their loss.

This is because we have mirror neurons in our brain that mimic the emotional expression of the person in front of us. This allows us to attempt to predict the emotion someone else is experiencing.

There is a healthy space from which to enter into the experience of the emotions someone else is having

What have you noticed about your experience of GRIEF?

Out of the fear of an unknown/untested future, we may resist change and try to hang on to what is familiar, which no longer serves us and has outlived its purpose.

Our brain's priority is to keep us safe, and as far as it is concerned, the unknown is a potential risk that it would rather avoid, so it would create emotions that signal change as a danger to be avoided.

The mind obscures the fact that what we are now holding on to was once the unknown that we had to embrace, adapt and develop muscles/skills to handle until it became known and second nature. This proves that we are capable of doing so again.

It is worth entertaining the possibility that what awaits has far better value than what we are holding on to. It could be our opportunity to be better, have a greater impact in the world and enjoy a better quality of life.

Making a drastic change can seem too frightening, so we can start to let go slowly by making small changes and allowing ourselves to adjust.

Sometimes we are emotionally holding on to people who are ready to leave, and we try to superimpose our will on theirs for what we want to continue to get out of it.

They should have the preeminence over their own lives, and love should come in agreement with their will, not seek to overturn it. The latter would be selfish and not love in the purest sense.

What has run its course that you may still be holding on to?