Grief applies to much more than just the death of a beloved. We grieve the significant change of so many kinds. It is the external manifestation of an internal experience in response to change/loss.

Grief seeks expression, and this takes many forms and shows up in its own time as often as it needs. Grief can often be triggered by events, places, smells, words, etc that remind us of the object of our loss.

Grief is a process of coming to terms with what is never going to be the same again and finding a new way to be with the memory of it while gleaning the wisdom available from the experience, such as:

• Why you experience the grief the way you do

• What you appreciate about what is no longer here

• It will take time to come to terms

• You can access them

• Appreciate the gifts of having known them

• What of their legacy can we turn into a purpose to continue in the world

What have you learnt from your GRIEF?

The body is the vehicle that allows your essence to have agency and have an impact on people and circumstances in this realm of existence.

Helping people to identify that they are grieving helps them to start making sense of it and start putting language to it.

The body is the vehicle that carries the essence that animates it. Without that essence, that body is not of much use. Yet we often put all our focus on the body and not the quality of the experience that the essence is having.

To judge people purely on their physical attributes is to lose perspective on the part that is infinite and fixate on the parts that are finite and slowly growing old. Once the essence leaves, it starts to decay.

How can you start celebrating the part of you that animates your body?

If we make peace with the eventuality of death, we can learn to live more fully. The relationship we have with death will impact the quality of life we have.

If fear connects us to death that is not yet here, then we suffer through a loss of presence in the life we have now.

Living in fear of death robs us of the opportunity to enjoy the life we currently have and subjects us to a kind of death.

Fear of a future death not yet here creates torment in a life that is here now.

We may be able to influence how long it takes for us to die, but we can never be in full control of that, as not all the contributing factors are in our control.

Of the things that you are aware of that can give you a better quality of life, do those as best you can (exercise, healthy living, rest, etc.)and then let go of what you can't control.

There is no assured formula for staying alive, nor a clear rhyme and reason why some live, and some die. Trying to work it all out induces a mental load of worry that impacts your quality of life.

Make peace with the reality and eventuality of death while enjoying the life that you do have now.

A fear of death also gets in the way of us doing the things that will help those we may leave behind in getting on with life in our absence, such as having a will.

What part of staying alive is in your control?

Life has many stages we evolve through before we exit the stage of life. It is helpful to hold each stage lightly and be present to it while enjoying what is unique and novel about it.

When we are transitioning from one phase of life to another, it is helpful to recognise this. Grieving well would empower you to let go of what is no longer present and start to embrace the new phase of life.

There will be a wistful reflection on what we loved about what was, but also a healthy anticipation of the opportunities yet unrealised, presented by the new stage of life.

When we raise our children, we are to prepare them to live adult, interdependent lives, which may be difficult if we don't let go of seeing them as a child and embrace their adulthood, treating them accordingly. We would need to start letting them make their own mistakes and learn from them.

We don't have to like the fact that we are going to die to make peace with its eventuality.

We wear many hats, play many parts in life, but are best advised not to get too attached to any of them as if we were a fixed entity.

We don't like the idea of dying; we resist, fight and deny it, creating friction and blocking the way to embracing the new opportunities here already, making it difficult for us to process it healthily.

What phase of life have you just left behind?

We are constantly dying to make room for life, and the level of grief depends on:

• How emotionally attached we are to what is dying

• How much perceived control we have over the dying process

• How sudden or recent is the dying event

The GRIEF framework aims to equip us to be:

• Conscious

• Notice

• Recentre

• Make peace with what is

• Open to what serves your best quality of life now

Be open to the possibility that your new phase of life could hold better things in store for you than the one just past.

Grieving becomes protracted by the notion that things were meant to never change, so we struggle to accept and let go of what no longer is. Acceptance opens the door to embracing the new.

When we have raised our awareness about the version of us that is dying to make way for the new, we can support those we are in a relationship with to journey with us and experience it more gracefully.

What version of you needs to die to make way for a new one?